So after 39 days RTD free and 18 days wine/alcohol free I am now back here on Day 1. Sigh.
Okay, the positives are:
- Hubby has no immediate plans to go away again. I'll have to try and discourage him as much as possible from going away again within the next 6 months (without telling him why, I don't want to burden him). He is the enforcer, I hate that I need to be policed by him rather than having my own control but if I can have him carry me to the 6 month point I'm sure I can stumble along by myself from there.
- I got to have the beloved RTDs 3x more (10 total) that I had been drooling about for 39 days. The first one was the yummiest/best but the rest were a blur and not as great. Yes they are tasty but they don't give me that great of a feeling to make up for the great feeling I earn from not having them.
- I got to have lots of wine - bought 3 x bottles, tipped about 1/2 bottle out. Didn't actually get drunk but close to it on the first night. Didn't really enjoy it and certainly didn't enjoy the next morning. Much prefer my sober mornings.
- The intense excitement that I was giving free access to alcohol credit for was not there after all.
- There were all sorts of negatives - embarrassment from being back at the RTD shop (I knew they were thinking "oh here she is, she's back at it"), shame from being at the supermarket buying wine after having already drunk the RTDs and the clerk has to come over and release the sale and can probably smell the vodka. Terror from answering the door to my son's girlfriend's mother (she never comes to the door!!) and I tried to stand well back so I didn't breathe my wine breath all over her. And terror again when my dad turned up unexpectedly one of the afternoons and I'd just had 2 RTDs so I was sure he'd be able to smell them. And again when I had them yesterday and hubby rings to say he is coming home a day earlier, he'll be there in a few hours! Hiding wine bottles in my secret spot. All those awful things and more.
Anyway, so now I can start back on Day 1 with the experience of the 39 days/18 days right there ready to boost me "it's not as hard as you think, you've done this before!" but with the determination that if the opportunity should arise (hubby away) that I absolutely won't do this again. It WASN'T worth it! It really wasn't.
Okay so I have to remember what helped me last time:
Hypnotherapy/Kinesiology/EFT/Psychologist - well they obviously didn't work so I won't bother wasting money on that this time
Husband keeping an eye on me - tick - he is here at home for 3 days off, there is no way on earth I can get up to mischief
Treats - I am having energy drinks, takeaway lunch, ice-blocks to get me through the day. Then this evening an ice-cream and yummy dinner
Blogs - I am hopeless at writing/commenting but I do read plenty so will try and step this up.
